change

Hello and Happy 2013!!

I want to start by saying how grateful I am to all of you, as my clients and my readers. You are a strong, courageous, unique group of individuals who choose not to take the easy path, as you regularly apply yourselves and do the the hard work that it takes to build foundation and be the best you that you can be. I acknowledge your efforts and I bask in the glow of your progress – I am honored to be a part of your support system and I look forward to coaching you in 2013. I want you to be strong, empowered, confident and happy in the New Year, so let’s get to it!

With the holidays falling mid-week last year, it made the start to the new year a bit of a slow one to congeal, let alone to gain momentum.  That said, I always encourage clients to take a moment to review the lessons of the past year before stepping into their goals and intentions for the next twelve months.  Best to learn the lesson on the first go around!

2012 left us with a lot to process – it was a year of internal and external transformation for all – relationships shifted and changed, many of us had to navigate the passing of a parent or a grandparent and everyone caught the flu. Then the year closed out with a storm called Sandy and a shooting of the same name that really got the collective moving.  It seems like we all had to walk through some sort of intense loss or release on some level, be it physical, emotional, or spiritual.

So process it through – what did you learn in 2012? How are you stronger today than you were this time last year? Take a moment to inventory this. Write your answers out on paper to drill it down and anchor it in so that you won’t have to do it again! This is part of your foundational build-out, which is SO important to cultivate. Having a foundation that’s jam packed with coping mechanisms and internal resources (which we all need just to live a happy life in this modern world that we’re all working so hard to thrive in!) will be integral to your success as we transition into 2013.

The 3 most important things I learned in 2012 are:

1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
3. _________________________________________________

Do you know how you will apply your new-found knowledge and experience moving forward? Got it? Good, now we can move on!

2013 is offering us a blank canvas – what do you want to create? 2013 promises to be a synergistic year packed with fresh, new, inspired ideas, synergy and Universal support.  In short, you get to create anything you want and I want you to dream BIG. I am here to support you as you step into a new way of being and a higher level of success, happiness and gratitude. You can be unstoppable, and I want all of that and more for you. Together, we can set the tone for the new year and get you started off right! I look forward to watching the magic of 2013 happen with this brilliant group of fearless and empowered co-creators.

If you want your life to change, then change it. Raising your standards is THE sure-fire way to effect positive change in your life, and it’s one of my favorite tools to use personally and in my coaching practice. Having high expectations of your own success and destiny is all well and good, but without the foundation of higher standards (and the work that goes into achieving that), it’s an empty shell. Hope is not enough – you must step up and CREATE by putting energy, time, effort and WORK into it.

Standards 

• Your standards are how you have chosen to behave
• The higher your standards, the better your life
• Doubling your standards makes a great game
• Match your standards to your personal needs
• Only set standards that fit right for today

When a person’s standards are too low

• Continue to operate “below the line” emotionally
• Self-esteem drops; self-worth is questioned
• Mediocrity reigns where excellence should be applied
• Apathy and victimization are ever present
• Experience a low hum of disappointment and low expectations

When a person has, and honors, high standards

• They feel very good about themselves and others too.
• They become irresistibly attractive to high-quality people.
• They don’t get near people or situations that cause problems
• They stay in their power physically, emotionally and spiritually
• Their life experience improves through their commitment to living a better life
• Acceptance replaces anger and thriving replaces treading water

If I asked you where you most need to improve by raising your standards, I’m sure you have an easy answer. You already know where your standards aren’t up to par. Don’t let working out the HOW of raising your standards slow you down.

Set an intention and call me – we will devise a program of raising your standards that is tailor-made for YOUR life as you ease into a new and better way of being. Don’t wait for some arbitrary date or deadline to step into your power and change, NOW is definitely the time. Call for a one-on-one coaching session.

Your soul wants to grow!

I hope you had wonderful summer filled with sunshine and good times.

As summer folds gently into fall, (Fall Equinox is at 8:49 AM Mountain Daylight Time September 22nd) our focus often changes as well.

Many of us find ourselves taking stock of the year by making a mental inventory of our accomplishments and what we have achieved so far.  Otherwise we look at what we meant to get done and have stalled out on — or worse, haven’t even started yet.  Some of us find ourselves standing smack dab at the karmic crossroads (scary) of choice and change.

Regardless of the form in which it arrives, it seems as if the Universe is inviting us all to evolve.  This is where your personal foundation kicks in.

• How confident are you in making choices?
• How good are you at navigating change?
• Are you operating in your strength and power or are you stalled out in fear of making the wrong choices for yourself?
• Do you have fear of success/fear of failing?

So here we are wanting to get off the dime but wondering which way to go.  Do you step boldly into the new or stay the comfortable course repeating the same old habits and patterns that lead us to the same old frustrating destination?  I say screw your comfort zone, let’s grab the lessons from your experience thus far and jump boldly into the new.  If you have some outdated patterning that’s preventing you from doing this, identify it and eradicate it.  Let it go. As much as the Universe is inviting (demanding) that we evolve, it is also supporting us in clearing and cleaning our old outdated relationships or ways of being. Now is the time to become a new, more courageous and powerful YOU.

How, you might ask.

1. Drill down your truth.  Define your destination. What do you want (exactly)?
2. Find and sustain your center.  In order to make powerful choices we must choose from our truth not our fear.
3. Get clear on what (fear) is keeping you stuck.
4. How will it feel when you arrive there?  We attract and manifest according to the way we feel – if you can feel it you can create it.
5. Get support.  Hire a coach a therapist or a personal trainer, whatever it takes.  If you can’t afford it, work out a trade of services.
6. Trust.  Let go, surrender to your process and believe that you will arrive at your destination.  Focus on it and step closer to it every day.
7. Learn to allow.  Open up and let the good stuff in.

We are all, each and every one of us, at that pivotal turning point.  I support you in taking complete responsibility for yourself while rising to the occasion, being your most powerful self, and making the necessary changes that will lead you to your happiness.

  I know it’s the dog days of summer and for many it seems as if nothing much is going on but we are all in the process of undergoing a deep personal transformation.  This week will be emotional and you will need to have courage.  While many of us find ourselves standing in that oh so uncomfortable place that I call “The space in between” (the void) it’s the worst.  We are being asked to let go of the old and step boldly into the new but the new has yet to completely form, there can be fear involved when we are asked (or forced) to leap into the unknown.  Be patient with yourself be faithful in your process and be intentional with your thoughts words and actions.  We are all being invited to write the script for our next phase!  Don’t allow your old patterning and fear to cheat you out of finally stepping into your power and your truth… be brave and allow nothing to hold you back always remember, the Universe supports you in this change.

For a while now, and for the first time in my life, I am really truly happy.  Not the kind of giddy happy with rollercoaster highs and lows, that fluctuate wildly based off all the other circumstances in life, but hapy with this calm, deep contentment, a self-confidence, a sure, steady, powerful happiness that I never knew existed before.

All in all I’m so content and happy and life is really SO god it feels almost surreal.  I decided although there are always still things I can work on, I just wanted to soak in this most amazing and affirming feeling for a little while – so I decided to take a temporary break from sessions just to be, and enjoy and practice all these tools for a little while.  Of course I still have TC’s number on my speed dial and she’s still my life coach, and I don’t plan to be away long!

Hello and happy summer solstice,

I had a cathartic experience last week when I wrapped and dashed out of a group workshop I was facilitating in a rush to see a rock concert in a graveyard (I love Hollywood).

Our workshop subject for the evening was defining your personal power and operating from that place all of the time. I was instantly teleported from a rich conversation about connecting to and sustaining ONE’S personal power, to standing under a full moon amongst hundreds of gravesites thinking about the fragility of life. Talk about juxtaposition: a full production (huge life) Flaming LIPS show blazing through the headstones and mausoleums.

To say that the contrast was surreal would be a major understatement. This got me thinking about death, the full moon, the summer solstice and our rare triad of eclipses (more on eclipses below). In that moment, it was impossible to ignore how important it is for us to live every moment to ITS fullest.

This summer solstice is no ordinary solstice, this solstice  is a rare catalyst for every area of your life, and is a prolific energetic depository  of  empowerment,

You may have noticed that the energies are intensified and the status quo no longer applies. We are in the energies leading up to 2012 and the shift of a new age.

What does this mean to you and how can you navigate all of this intense change?

Anchor in your power, NOW.

The great news is, during the summer solstice, our life force is at ITS maximum, we also have the support of three eclipses and a grand cross this summer.   You  can utilize this once in a lifetime energy to upgrade your internal operating system and anchor in your power.

How do you do it?

Look inward: GET honest with yourself around what’s working in your life and what is no longer serving you.  Heal what you need to heal, release what you need to release and restructure what you need to restructure. You must be willing to do the work.  Here are some overall steps to get you moving in the right direction.

10 TIPS on owning your Personal Power

1. Define what personal power means to you.
2. Foster an awareness (feel it) of when you are operating from your power and when you are not.
3. Make the commitment be your most powerful self in everything you do.
4. Recognize what takes you out of your power.
5. Give yourself permission to own your power and be powerful.
6. Choose love and faith over fear.
7. Remember that you are never alone.
8. Connect with your universal supports.
9. Be true to yourself (be happy).
10. Remember that the more powerful you are, the more you may be of service to others.

The powerful mid-year “Eclipse-TRIADS” occur on:

I know that two of these dates have already PASSED, but the energy of any eclipse builds for MONTHS prior and vibrates months after, so the window is still open for you to work with these energies.

(1) June 1   (2) June 15   (3) July 1.

The three occur exactly 15 days apart. We have two partial solar eclipses, sandwiching a full moon lunar eclipse. Barely enough breathing room, so get ready for a powerful ride. All of this is punctuated by the aforementioned extremely powerful Solstice on June 21st. Whilst the two ‘outer eclipses’ of the Triad are partial solar, do not think that their energies are lessened by the fact that they are not full eclipses. THE energy of all 3 will be extremely potent and felt by the entire planet, whether visible or not from your specific vector on the planet. The energy will encircle the globe and affect each of you.

The June 1st lunar eclipse is the beginning, and truly the energy of each of these events has an intersecting field that expands energetically from 3 days prior and 3 days after the eclipse.

The Energies:

The energy pattern of the Triad is around release, healing and reconstruction.

June 1: Release and cleansing, release of old energy patterns. Patterns that may be ingrained, even hidden.

June 15: Healing through acceptance of Facing the Challenge, and being true to SELF.

July 1: Strength and Completion of the ‘New You’. Not only visualizing the attributes and events you wish to create, but taking requisite actions and step forward to manifest them.

I understand that these are high concepts and huge shifts.  I know it’s easy to look at a list like this and feel overwhelmed. THAT’S why I am here to coach you through the process.

We are currently living in one of the most exciting times of transformation humanity has ever gone through,  this is the next leap in evolution.  You don’t have to walk this path alone (you are never alone). You are always free to contact me directly for some formal coaching or just a friendly push in the right direction.

May the summer of 2011 be positively transformative for you.

Love and blessings,

T.C. Conroy

I felt like things were generally going better since my coaching sessions had started.  I had made that huge communication breakthrough with my mom and applied it to other relationships.  I learned about expectations and boundaries.  I had learned how to self-care and really had the chance to put it into affect with the passing of my horse.  But as I recovered from this grief, I was realizing another pattern in my life that I wanted to fix.

As I once mentioned way back in the beginning of these blogs, I am fabulous at interviews.  I feel like I make great first impressions.  I can be outgoing, exciting, interesting—I know all the small talk questions to ask to draw people out and engage them…however, then once I’ve got them hooked, I fall flat.  I often get hired for jobs based on my personality – this outgoing, exciting persona I convey, that I do feel is really true to myself, but somehow once I get the job, I freeze up.  Then I get insecure.  Am I really the right fit for this job? Am I going to be able to write the articles in the style they want? Am I going to say and act in a way that will build camaraderie with my colleagues or isolate me from them? My insecurities cause me to go into a shell and actually shut down, and ultimately, work to isolate me and destroy the great foundation I started.  It can take two or three months for me to get comfortable enough in a new job to come out of this shell and start being outgoing and fun again, and often by then, it’s too late for good impressions.

This not only happens with jobs, it happens in other areas of my life.  Friendships, relationships.  People that I care very much about, I can first impress, but then when I realize how much I like them and that they have given me that chance to be in their life, I freeze up.  This happened when I first met Jess and almost killed our relationship before it could blossom.  I’d heard of getting insecurities about first meetings, but mine is almost the opposite.  I do great at first meetings, but then when I realize I’m committed, that’s when the insecurities strike.

I talked about this confusing problem with TC and she immediately had some good suggestions.  She told me she wanted me to start working on an exercise.  “It doesn’t have to be perfect right away,” she said.  “Just try to remember it, and think about it, and the more you think about it the more you’ll be able to put it into practice.”  She wanted me to stay focused on the present moment.  She said she thought a lot of my problem was that instead of listening to the conversation at hand, or being myself in the present moment, I was constantly over-analyzing my behavior.  For example, “what’s the appropriate response to this?” “What can I say that will make me sound cool?” “What’s the right article to pitch that’ll prove I’m a good reporter?” Whereas in fact, if I just stayed in the present moment and blocked out these insecure voices, my ideas and responses were already cool.  Being perfect, really, was as simple as not being insecure.

I started putting this into practice and immediately noticed a difference.  I wasn’t necessarily able to change my behavior right away, but just being aware of it made a difference.  Often time during conversations with people I would notice that instead of focusing on what they were saying and being in the present moment, I would be drifting off into my voices of insecurities…”what’s the appropriate response to say to this?…How should I respond to that?” It was really silly, because of course I could already naturally respond more than appropriately and it was nothing to worry about.  Once I recognized that I was doing this, I was able more and more to put those voices aside, and snap myself back to being in the present moment – listening to the conversation that was taking place, and just responding as myself, naturally, and as such, much more impressively.

Life Coach T.C. Conroy’s T-10 Tips For  Success in 2011

With the acceleration and scope of change that has been taking place over the past few years, most of us are feeling beat up, beat down and in a state of (what’s next) long term overwhelm.  I am here to remind you with great change comes great opportunity.

This is my T-10 list for beating the recession blues, setting strong intentions and becoming a richer human being.  I hope it energizes and inspires you to stop waiting for permission and step into your personal power.

Celebrate the new decade by intending your greatness in 2011.

It’s not about the money. Everything on this list is FREE the only cost to you is your willingness and dedication (intention) the ROI knows no limit.

Wishing you a Happy New Year, Happy New Decade!

T.C. Conroy

1. Identify your true values – If the recession has taught us nothing I hope it has reminded you what is truly important and valuable to you and yours. Live your life according to your true values and you will be a happier person.

2. Connect to the power of your intentions – You are a powerful creator.  You create with every thought you think, every word you speak and every feeling that you feel when you believe in your own power and live in it’s truth you can exert your power to achieve your greatness.

3. Anchor in the lessons from the past decade -You can not get to where you are going without acknowledging where you have been.  Sit down and write out all of the life changing lessons you have learned in the past ten years so you don’t forget and have to learn them twice.

4. Let go of judgment – Judgment creates division.

Practice non-judgment and acceptance with every person place and thing that crosses your path.  With consistency you will be amazed at how liberating this is.

Set the intention to greet every person place and thing with love and compassion not judgment.

5. Cancel the pity party – Victim energy does NOT serve you in any way.  It keeps you stuck and it grantees your failure. Learn to rise above and let go of the part of you that wants’ to be victimized. Take responsibility for everything that shows up in your life, this is where your true power resides.

6. Open your heart – We are bombarded by fear based thoughts and feelings that shut us down.  You can open your heart with this simple meditation – place the index and middle finger of your left hand over your heart and smile allow your fears and insecurities to melt away.  You can’t help but feel better.  Do this meditation for two or three minutes a day and build from there.

7. Unplug and Connect – unplug from the non stop stimulation that we are assaulted with every day.  Power down your electronics and connect to your self.  Take pause long enough to hear the voice inside of your head, feel your feelings connect to yourself.  Your power resides on the inside from that connection send your intentions out into the world.

8. Visualize yourself as prosperous, luminous, healthy, and full of peace, joy and success. If you BELIEVE that you are, you will be.

9. State your intention before your feet hit the floor- Your thoughts words and feeling all have incredible power behind them, make the choice to use them well by intending your actions each day before you get out of bed in the morning.

10. You deserve it, learn to receive – you can ask all you want and you may even successfully manifest.   The very thing you are asking for may show up right in front of you but you will fall short if you are not open to receiving because you feel on some level that you don’t deserve what you are asking for.

11. The Universe is abundant, it knows no bounds when you practice abundance you too will be limitless.

Although my week of self care was improving my life in general, I had a stressful weekend situation to deal with.  It was my dad’s 59^th birthday party—really, a great thing to celebrate, considering he’d almost died last year, only it was just I was so burned out on talking about anything to do with the stroke…and really, burned out on more than just that, as TC would later point out.

I had a really hard time with the birthday party.  The caregivers had been calling me and trying to get me involved in things for the last week, and I kept making excuses.  (Later, I would learn from TC that I don’t need to make excuses, I can be honest and say, “I’m worn out from this, I really need you guys to handle this on your own this time around”…but I hadn’t learned that tool yet).  I felt pressure from all sides.  I had just moved into my apartment the week before, and was still yearning for my own time and space.  My mom arrived on Friday to stay for the weekend and really wanted to spend time with me.  She was asking to stay in my apartment with me, and I kept suggesting she stay in the spare room at my dad’s instead.  “All the furniture’s still a mess here…” I kept finding excuses.

The party was grueling.  I was happy for my dad, but I was emotionally exhausted.  Living with a suddenly brain-damaged parent for a year and basically being their “parent” had taken its toll on me.  All the people at the party were caregivers, friends of caregivers, Dad’s PT doctors, and other friends of my dad’s.  Everyone was making small talk, and everyone was talking about the stroke.  I couldn’t think of two worse conversation situations for me right at this moment.

With my emotions running on overdrive, I couldn’t do small talk.  Not at all.  Certainly not small talk about the stroke – the very thing that had caused these huge emotional barricades in my life! I tried to busy myself helping with food and music so I didn’t have to talk to people.  But my mom kept coming up and trying to hug me and connect with me.  She would come up and say really off-the-wall stuff in attempt to talk to me, like “What an interesting pattern on that seat cover!”  And she has this really passive, hippy way of talking, with lots of soft “oohs” and “awws” that just drive me nuts.  I couldn’t handle it.  I dealt with it by not dealing with it.  I felt bad, but I pointedly ignored her.  When she’d come up and say something weird and put her hands on my shoulders, I’d turn to someone next to me and strike up a conversation.   By the end of the evening, I was exhausted.

This was Saturday night, and Sunday, she and my dad were going to be having dinner and they invited me, but I excused myself.  “I’m just so busy, sorry…” again, more excuses.

That Monday morning I couldn’t wait to tell TC about all this.  I couldn’t possibly think how to solve this problem of dealing with my mom, and things just seemed to be getting worse.  TC immediately pointed out the essentials to me.  “You can’t change your mom’s behavior,” she said.  “But you can change yours.  And when you change your behavior, you will also change the dynamics of your relationship with your mom, so your mom will have to change.”

TC pointed out that my mom’s passive, 50’s upbringing was affecting the way she communicated with me.  But then she pointed out that my communication style was just as bad.  “You’re both skating over the ice with each other, avoiding anything real that might be under the surface.  When confronted with your mom’s clinginess, instead of telling her how you really feel about it, you skate away, you make excuses or change the subject—you don’t address what really matters.”

She was totally right.  But I felt I’d been really straightforward with my mom in the past, and that hadn’t worked either.  “I’ve told her I needed my space, and she was being too clingy, and nothing changes,” I said.

We talked about expectations and relationships.  TC pointed out how everyone has expectations about relationships with other people.  This is a natural thing.  But sometimes those expectations are unrealistic and we need to readjust them.  I realized since my dad’s stroke, I had been actively seeking that strong parent figure from my mom.  But she had never been that person for me, and, as TC pointed out, certainly couldn’t right now.  “She’s dealing with a lot too,” TC said.  “She went through a divorce with your dad just six years ago, then the stroke…she’s trying to figure out her life too.  Maybe you need to change your expectations of what you need from her.  What you want is a parent figure.  But what do you really need?”

“I guess I really need…to be able to talk about real things with her,” I finally said.  This also connected to my abhorrence of small talk right now, and cutting out friends who couldn’t support me emotionally.  “I really need her to be able to have meaningful conversations with me.  I don’t want to have this avoidant, surface relationship anymore.”

“There you go,” said TC.  “Can you tell her that?”

“I wouldn’t know how…”

Forty-five minutes later I hung up from our session, brushed up my make-up, and went to meet my mom for lunch.  I used every tool TC had taught me.  One secret of life coaches that she had just revealed to me was to use questions as much as possible.  This not only gets the point across without sounding so aggressive, it also forces the other person to involve themselves and participate.  So this is what we did.

I sat down and sipped my Chai tea, and said, “So, Mom, what do you think of our relationship lately?”

TC had totally prepared me for if she tried to be avoidant, to steer her right back to my question, but to her credit, she met me straight on.  “Well, I think it’s pretty emotionally rocky and we’re not really communicating,” she replied.

I was pleasantly surprised, and continued with the tools I’d just gathered from my session.  “Why do you think that, and what do you think we could do to make it better? What do you need out of our relationship?” And finally, “I feel like you avoid me a lot.  It seems like you try to avoid upsetting me.  What are you afraid of?”

At this, my mom burst into tears.  “Oh honey, I’m afraid of losing you!”

What?? I was shocked.  “Losing ME? Mom, I’m your daughter! You’re stuck with me for life! You’re never gonna lose me!”

We hugged, and she opened up and talked about how the divorce six years ago had totally shaken up her world.  “I thought that marriage was forever, and if that could fall apart, anything could.  If I lost my husband, I could lose anything.”

“I’m slowly realizing differently,” she went on.  “But it’s my greatest fear.  And that’s what I’ve been so scared of with you for so long.”

“But Mom, I’m your daughter.  You’re like my right arm! You’re never going to lose me.”

We talked all about what I’d talked with TC about.  How I’d felt like we were always skating over the surface.  “What I need in this relationship is to be real.  I want us to be able to talk about our feelings, and meaningful things,” I said.  “I want you to be able to get upset with me.  I don’t want us to be always avoiding important issues.  If we notice each other doing this, can we remind each other?”

She agreed.  After we’d talked all about our relationship, I even brought up the life coaching sessions, and what a help TC had been to me.  My mom was fascinated by the things I’d learned about boundaries, standards, and tolerations.  I gave her the papers TC had given me on the subjects, and told her how to make a Tolerations Checklist, and how that would help her create boundaries in her life.  She was so impressed she was taking notes on everything I said, and is now seriously interested in also taking life coaching from TC.

I came back from lunch feeling like I’d reconnected with my mom, and really been able to talk to her for the first time in years.  What an incredible breakthrough! This communication stuff really isn’t so scary once you have the proper tools…

Learning Self-Care:

The next day was Monday, and our official scheduled phone session.  That morning was a disaster for me.  These apartments can lock from the inside, which creates a problem when you’re especially scatterbrained like I was feeling.  I had an appointment at 10am, but ran out of the apartment leaving the keys on the kitchen counter, and locking the door behind me.  As soon as I was outside I realized what I’d done.  My apartment and car keys are all on the same ring, so I couldn’t even drive to my appointment and then figure out what to do.  Luckily I still had my phone, so I was able to google a locksmith to come let me back in, but this took over an hour until they even got out.  I had to cancel my appointment, and the locksmith let me back into my apartment at 11:58, precisely two minutes to spare before my phone appointment with TC.

So of course I was still a little frazzled when I called her.  I told her about my hectic morning.  It just seemed like a continuation of Sunday’s chaos.  “I just don’t know what’s going on with me and mornings anymore,” I said.

Well, TC did.  “You need to slow down, and take care of yourself,” she said.  “This is a sign.  You being this scatterbrained, starting to forget things and feeling frazzled like you are, this means you’re not taking care of yourself, and it’s wearing you out.  The number one lesson I want you to take away from today’s session is self-care.  And this lends itself to other things that you want to work on as well.  Once you’re taking care of yourself properly, you feel good.  When you feel good, you have more self confidence.  When you have more self confidence you are naturally more assertive.  Do you understand where I’m going with this?”

Yes, of course, now that she said it, it made perfect sense.  We went over the Tolerations Checklist that she’d given me the previous week, and I had been filling out.  I was surprised how many tolerations I’d already taken care of.  I’d told my friend kindly, but assertively that I needed to be left alone for a while and she’d understood.  I’d told my other friend to stop making snide comments if he wanted to stay my friend, and he apologized.  I’d been giving myself more time and space to myself, and so on.

“So now you’ve located the cracks in your teacup, and you’re repairing them, so your life energy doesn’t keep draining out.”

Sure, this made sense.  I have to take care of myself before I can feel strong enough to protect my standards and boundaries, or even take care of other people.

“So your homework for this week is taking care of yourself,” TC told me.  “This is your exercise this week.  Whatever you do, before you do it, ask yourself first: is this going to drain my energy, or give me energy? With everything you do.”

Our hour was up, and I hung up thinking this was going to be slightly challenging for me, but good.  As I mentioned previously, I had been brought up by a very 50’s house-wife style mom.  Though she tried to have me turn out without that baggage, independent and modern and all that, of course she couldn’t help passing those old 50’s habits on to me.  So I was very used to thinking about and helping other people.  But myself? Down to measuring each activity I do on whether it will make me feel good or not? However, this was obviously something I didn’t know how to do, and it would be good for me.  As TC had explained, taking care of myself was the first step that came before anything else.  Confidence, or assertiveness, or taking control of my life, or anything that I wanted to work on.  So I better start learning how to do it.

Be A Fierce Boundary Setter

Boundaries are rules that we communicate to others what we will and will not accept from them.  The boundaries that we establish for ourselves create a framework for who we are with the people we re close to.  The are the outward expression of how we see ourselves.  They define what is important to us, where our priorities lie, and how how expect to be treated.  They teach others how they can show respect for us. They come from a firm sense of commitment to what we truly value, and they are only possible if we respect ourselves enough to insist upon them.  Strong boundaries allow us the opportunity to get what we need and want in relationships.  Firm boundary setting is essential to maintaining long-lasting and healthy relationships.  Some of us will end a relationship because we feel stepped on rather than establishing strong boundaries so we can stay.  If you catch yourself thinking that this boundary stuff seems ‘mean’ or Selfish, remember that by communicating what you need and insisting that you be respected, you are building an enduring foundation for your relationships.  As you strengthen your own foundation, you will find that you attract people with strong foundations as well.  By taking yourself seriously enough to establish boundaries, you are modeling healthy behavior for the people you care about most.

How do you establish a boundary and make it stick?  The following are five clear steps to successfully establishing boundaries.  Each step is essential to the process. They are;

1. Clearly identify you boundaries for yourself and know when they are being challenged or stepped over. Go beyond that general sense of discomfort when you are with certain people in certain situations.  Ask yourself what specific behavior is causing you your discomfort and whether it is reasonable to expect that behavior to stop.  At this point you may decide that the problem is not about boundaries at all but an unresolved issue from your past instead.  If you are clear that it’s a boundary issue move to the next step.

2. Inform the person about the behavior you find unacceptable and ask them to stop. Please do not expect them to know.  They don’t.  You have to tell them.  That is best done at a calm and relaxed time, not during an argument or in the middle of a stressful situation-probably not when they are in the middle of stepping over your boundary, you will most likely be feeling angry or victimized at that time.  Wait for a neutral time when you can speak clearly, evenly and confidently.  Be very matter of fact.  Don’t blame.  Don’t bring up excessive past history.  Don’t say too much.  Just ask them to stop.  Act as if this is the first time you have mentioned this, even if it is not.

3. State the consequences of their behavior if they do not stop.  Boundary setting without this step is called nagging.  When you complain about a behavior over and over again without any consequence to the other, you waste time and energy.  You destroy your image as a happy positive person.  You do not get what you want.  People stop listening to you.  You feel defeated, disregarded and nasty.  The purpose of the consequence is to let the other person know that you are serious, to shift the problem to their shoulder if they disregard your request, and to protect you from the negative behavior you do not like.  The consequence needs to fit the crime, make sense, and be something you are willing to deliver.  If you are excited about the consequence because it seems so right, then you are on the right track.  Be creative!

4. Remind them once the behavior occurs again. Everyone deserves a bit of grace.  They are probably not used to this more assertive you.  Remember-you do not need to feel angry.  You are in control here.  You have the perfect consequence to fall back on if you need to.

5. If the behavior continues, follow through with the consequence. I’m pretty sure you will have to take this step at least once.  That is why the consequence you choose is so important.  If you do not feel good about it, you will not do it.  Empty threats spoil the whole routine.  You may even need to go through with the consequence on more than one occasion.  If you feel protected completely by your consequence.

One example of this process in action follows: You become aware that your spouse tends to raise his or her voice when you are having a disagreement and that you do not like the yelling.  Once this is clear to you, you find an appropriate time to tell him/her, ‘I don’t like it when you yell at me when we are having a conversation.  Will you please stop.  The next time this situation occurs, you tell him/her, remember, I don’t like it when you yell at me.  If you don’t stop, I’m going to leave the room.  If the yelling continues, you follow through and leave the room.

All of this requires careful thought and planning.  I recommend writing out the words you will say if you are unused to standing up for yourself, you are very timid, or fear you will get angry and say things you don’t really want to say.  Doing a role-play with your coach or a friend is very helpful preparation.  Begin with just one situation and see how this goes for you.  Your first attempts may feel awkward, but as you get more comfortable with this process, you will find that your boundaries become more natural and easy to establish.

Meeting TC:

Saturday afternoon at last rolled around.  It was a sunny and hot Saturday afternoon, unsurprising in Los Angeles.

I’m not generally a person who gets nervous at first meetings.  I feel like I make a good impression.  I’m great with parents, fabulous at interviews.  I don’t generally carry pre-conceived judgments about people, and I generally like people on first impression (sometimes to my detriment).  I was excited to meet TC after hearing so much about her and feeling sure that she was the one person right now who could really get my life on fast track to where I wanted it to be.  Still, it’s always a little bit unnerving to meet someone who is so famous for what they do, and, according to Jess, a real ass-kicker.  Although our phone conversation had been warm and laid back, I still had an image in my mind of TC as some sort of female, picture-perfect Terminator.

Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised, and relieved, to walk into her office to find calming zen fountains, a comfortable sofa and chairs, and the room painted in darker, calming tones, with lamps in the corners for atmospheric but not intrusive light.  TC herself was sat behind her desk as we walked in and jumped up to welcome us.  She was smaller and slimmer than I imagined, but even warmer and friendlier than my impression of her had been over the phone.  She was even wearing fantastic heels, “for my sake, I knew you’d appreciate them,” she said.  My lingering image of her as the Terminator vanished.  She seemed achievement oriented, yet down-to-earth at the same time.  I immediately felt like she was someone I could connect to.

Jess left to wait for me outside and TC invited me to make myself comfortable on the sofa.  “Help yourself to bottles of water, or anything you want,” she said, and we immediately plunged into conversation.  I told her about my frustrations with trying to fight the passivity I’d inherited from my mom, but despite my resistance, feeling like the passivity was still winning.  What could I do? I was so eager to change.

“It won’t take you long at all to beat this, Camille,” is what TC told me.  “Do you know why it won’t take you long? Because you want to change it.”

This gave me a lot of hope.  I have always believed that attitude and mental awareness is the key to changing anything in life.  But it’s always nice to hear your life coach verify your feelings.

We talked about everything, from my mother’s 50’s housewife passivity to my verbally abusive ex-husband, to my father’s stroke last year that led me to give up my life and take care of him full time until just recently when I had caregivers set up enough to start taking over for me.  There wasn’t a clock in two and a half hours of her time! I felt so comfortable talking, I probably could have gone on all afternoon.  Again, as she had on the phone, TC gave me excellent guidance, so I never rambled off-topic.  She also introduced our first concept for me to think about.  Boundaries.

Tune in next week to hear how Camille applies what she learns in her coaching sessions.

Wise words from Energy Expert Jennifer Matthews

I AM COMMITTED TO YOUR GREATNESS, ARE YOU?
I am sure you have noticed that nothing is happening on a subtle level anymore and that includes my work. I offer my clients the opportunity to shift and grow at deep and profound levels and I am committed to guide, to support and to hold space for you to be all that you can be at the highest levels of Greatness. Are you ready to make that commitment to yourself, for yourself? If so, please schedule an appointment and let’s move you out of the paralysis of fear and the woundings of your past and get you aligned with the Divine Light of who you really are. And because I am working with my clients at a much deeper level, I am now offering a 20 minute follow up phone session to help you process and integrate your newfound awareness into your everyday life. It is my honor and my pleasure to be of service to each of you.

THE PATH TO GREATNESS. ARE YOU WILLING TO ASK MORE OF YOURSELF?
I went to Marianne Williamson’s Tuesday night lecture series last night. This is a weekly lecture series she does on The Course of Miracles at The Regent Showcase Theater in Los Angeles. If you are looking for some inspiration, I highly recommend it. You can attend in person or catch the lectures online. http://www.marianne.com/LA-weekly.htm What I experienced was an honest and motivating mix of lecture, prayer and Q&A.

The juicy nugget that I walked away with last night was that good is no longer good enough and it’s time for us to fully own our Greatness. As Marianne so honestly phrased it, *It’s time to stop coddling our wounds. We need to love and forgive the wounded parts of ourselves and our past and then be willing to move on.* For many of us, we allow our wounds, especially the story of our wounds, to block or limit the Great person we know we can be. We are drowning in the details and paralyzed from too much analysis. How many times do we have to re-create the same situation, limitation, beliefs, etc. before we are willing to ask more from ourselves? For those of you who have had a session with me recently, this is exactly why we spend less time on the details and place our full focus on you making your empowered choice.

FRESHEST OF FRESH STARTS
Are you feeling stuck or can’t even begin to image what Greatness would look like in your life? I’m not surprised because on some level we are all overwhelmed, scared and burnt out trying to process all of the change, disasters and destruction unfolding in front of our eyes. The world as we once knew it is on life support at best and most of us just can’t let it go. We are being offered the freshest of fresh starts if we are willing to let go of good and open to great. It can feel scary to let go but I offer this re-frame; when you say no or goodbye to something or someone that no longer serves you, you are saying YES to something that supports your Greatness. The universe works like a vacuum. If the space around you is filled with habits, beliefs, relationships or situations that no longer serve you then there is no room in your life for the people, opportunities, Love and choices that can help you create Greatness for yourself and those around you.

GETTING ON THE ROAD
The path to Greatness can be a daunting one so here are seven ways to help get you on the road…

1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Ask God, your angels and your guides to help you graduate the wounds of your past and co-create your Greatness. The Divine world of the unseen is all around you and just waiting for your permission to help you.

2. THE HOW IS NOT YOUR JOB.
How something gets created is not our job, it’s God’s job. When we get caught up on the how of something, it’s really our ego putting on the brakes because we are moving out of our comfort zone. Our job is to ask for assistance and take action to prepare ourselves to receive. Putting our focus on what’s out of our control, such as another person’s thoughts or actions, is a drain of our precious energy. Many of us get caught up in what society calls *working hard* which is really just trying to control everything around us. Action is when we stay focused on ourselves and what is in our control. What we can control is our thoughts, our beliefs, how we relate, what we say and the choice to hold ourselves and others in compassion or judgement.

3. WILLINGNESS.
Don’t worry about how to do something, remember that’s not your job. Instead, be willing. Be willing to change. Be willing to let go. Be willing to receive opportunities that you thought were never possible. Be willing to be Great and share it with the world. Willingness is a state of consciousness created by our Higher Self, the part of us that is connected to Divine Consciousness. By choosing willingness we are allowing our Divine Consciousness to co-create with us.

4. COMPASSION.
It’s time to Love, Forgive and Accept those parts of you that are wounded and/or stuck in the past. All you have to do is make the choice to graduate your past and be willing to let your life in the present be different. For most of us, we have thought, analyzed, talked, figured out, lived, re-lived our wounds over and over again. So much so, that we confuse what was suppose to be just an experience with our Destiny. WE ARE NOT OUR WOUNDS. WE ARE NOT OUR PAST. Once the wound is in your awareness you have everything you need to let it go. It can be that easy.

5. GET CREATIVE.
Having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel? GET CREATIVE. I recently heard the authors of The Creative Crisis take about a study on the positive affects of creativity on thinking. What the study showed is that most of us can only think of things one way, either negative or positive and for most of us it’s negative. A group of people were given a scenario and asked to list outcomes. Most of the group could come up with lots of negative outcomes but they couldn’t name many positive ones. Then they gave this group a short creative project and found that after the brain had engaged in a creative activity, most of the people in the group could think of more positive outcomes to the scenario.

6. A ROAD MAP FOR CHANGE.
For many of us, a road map for change can be very helpful. If this is the case for you, then I suggest reading The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. This book will help you identify where in your life you are settling for good (or what he calls competence) and helps you create the blueprint for Greatness (he calls it excellence/genius) so you can feel supported as you make that much need leap into the new you.

7. PAY ATTENTION TO THE STARS
There is more to astrology than just your sun sign or mercury in retrograde. How the planets line up and interact, directly effects your energy and how the world organizes around you. When you know what the quality of the energy is going to be then you can get in alignment with it and use it to your benefit. And lucky us, there are lots of very talented people out there who are very generous with their astrological information and wrap it all up in easy to digest formats. I suggest www.astrologyzone.com www.astroanne.com and www.starpriestess.com

It brings me much joy and pleasure to be of the highest, most loving service to each of you. Your support and referrals are very much appreciated so please feel free to forward this email on to your friends, family and colleagues.

With much Love, Light and Appreciation.
Jennifer.

JENNIFER MATTHEWS
Master Healer and Coach supporting Personal, Spiritual and Creative Transformation and Liberation for All.

ORGANIC WISDOM, LLC.
Healing Out of the Matrix of Fear and Into the New Paradigm of Love.

A Leader in the New Paradigm of Love, Unity and Self-Responsibility. Our mission is to be of the highest, most-loving service to each soul in the process of self-transformation and liberation. So that we may ALL be inspired and empowered as we each walk our individual paths of authenticity.

(917) 796-2642
jennifer@organicwisdom.com
www.organicwisdom.com
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INSPIRED URBAN LIVING. Blog~Book~Lifestyle…coming soon.
You Were Born to Greatness. Know That the World has Need of You.

T.C.’s Top 5 ways to work it out from the inside out.

1.Clarity, identify the change you want to make / what is the end result you are going for? It’s easier to reach your destination when you know what it is.

2.Remove 5 things that no longer serve you.

This can be a bad habit, a behavior that you have outgrown, a limiting belief.  Something or someone that you are continuing to do that has stopped working for you. Make sure you are ready to let it go and declare it a part of your past.

3. Replace the 5 things you have eliminated with 5 first class upgrades. When you take something away, it leaves a space that wants to be filled, commit to yourself that you will fill that space with habits, beliefs and behaviors that upgrade and enhance your life.

4. Cleanse your body

You have clarity around your destination, you have cleaned out your mind now it’s time to do the same with your body/ Do a cleanse, fast and or a series of colonics.  You will be amazed at the clarity you achieve.

(Consult with your medical physician before starting a cleanse or fast)

5. Create a flow chart

Don’t keep your goals a secret; lay your plans out on paper, at the top of your sheet, write out the 5 things you no longer do along with the 5 upgrades that have taken their place then, write your big goal on the far right of your sheet, go back to the left (you are here) and fill in the action steps you need to take to achieve your goal.

Larry Flynt’s wife Liz brought this to my attention, I know it’s last minute but not to late to jump in and be a part of the solution…
Your light switch is your vote.
This year, Earth Hour has been transformed into the world’s first global election, between Earth and global warming.

For the first time in history, people of all ages, nationalities, race and background have the opportunity to use their light switch as their vote – Switching off your lights is a vote for Earth, or leaving them on is a vote for global warming. WWF are urging the world to VOTE EARTH and reach the target of 1 billion votes, which will be presented to world leaders at the Global Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen 2009. [+]